I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
