It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
3pm strippers are depressing
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
