the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
