Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
