I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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