There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
