Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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