Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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