Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
