finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
