So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
