By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
