TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
