she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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