why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
3pm strippers are depressing
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
