I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
