first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
