I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
