party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
