i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
