Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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