plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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