he thought i was a dude.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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