I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
