dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
