I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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