And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
