Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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