i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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