I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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