Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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