i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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