now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
