I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
