A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im six kinds of drunk right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
