I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so let's talk penis.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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