best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
