He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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