My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
