went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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