i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
