Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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