So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
