dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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