"it" just moved
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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