the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
