You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
