me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
