there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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