Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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