Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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