I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
