just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
