She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
