I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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