So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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