Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
