Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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